Declutterred

How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

“The storm outside is nothing compared to the the storm inside”

This is when I know it’s time to Unplug and Recharge. In my known memory I’ve tried almost everything suggested to make it happen from switching my gadgets and phones off to backpacking to some coastal area or seeking solitude in the mountains, joining meditation sessions, engaging in other productive activities to refuel my energy but throughout all my stints in attaining that Detachment (Unplug) zone I understood that it all depends upon one’s willing decision and choice to remain aloof from everything around.

That is what Unplugging basically is. It’s being completely Detached from the surrounding and not being personally involved in anything we do.

The dictionary meaning of Detachment is the state of being objective or aloof.

It is the feeling that you have of not being personally involved in something or of having no emotional interest in it.

The Detachment theory gained momentum with the onset of ruinous relationship forms, addiction to various material possessions and the unprecedented pace at which world economies have been progressing which has also left a lot of these subtle yet powerful human values impaired.

To understand Detachment one must unlock the many realms of Attachment. That is; understanding the Monkey Mind set. But, before that let’s see how a Monkey is caught.

How to catch a Monkey?

You drop a handful of nuts into a jar with a small opening. The monkey puts his hand into the jar, grabs the nuts, and then finds that he can’t get his fist out through the opening. If the monkey would just let go of the nuts, he could escape. But he won’t!!

This is the Monkey Mind set that first pulls us towards something or someone, we then invest into them emotionally, mentally and physically and finally find it extremely difficult to separate or part ways because the Monkey in us has now trapped it’s hands in the jar. The nuts were such an attraction of course, but what most of us don’t realise is that just to get few nuts we loose our precious self.

In a NUTSHELL– Attachment leads to suffering; Detachment leads to freedom.

Come to think of it; not all of us are like Robinson Crusoe, we are social animals and find our identity through, with and from a society that is woven around with human connections and relations. Therefore, Detachment is a tough practice.

In the long run, disengaging ourselves from family, possessions, political activism, friendships, and career pursuits can actually impoverish our inner lives. Engagement with people and places, skills and ideas, is what grounds inner practice in reality. Without these external connections, and the pressure they create, it’s hard to learn compassion; to whittle away at anger, pride, and hardness of heart; to put spiritual insights into action.

So, we can’t use detachment as an excuse not to deal with fundamental issues such as livelihood, power, self-esteem, and relationships with other people. Nor can we make detachment a synonym for indifference, or carelessness, or passivity.

Instead, we can practice detachment as a skill—perhaps the essential skill for infusing our lives with integrity and grace.

Humans are indeed, emotional beings, we thrive on validation and acceptance which is also one of the needs clearly mentioned in the need Hierarchy derived by a renowned American Psychologist- Abraham Maslow. All we should be careful of is not to make any such need fulfilment as the focal point of our life later feeling as if letting go of such attachments feels like letting go of life itself.

It all starts with us and how we navigate mindfully through feelings of attachment, loss, grief, excitement of getting something and the anxiety about the future. We must acknowledge all of these as beautiful aspects of our life without feeding them any further.

How do I Detach/Unplug?

A three step guide

I’ve understood through various experiences of life that detachment is an essential skill that requires some amount of self discipline and enquiry to accomplish a Zen stage in life.

Step 1: Acknowledge

First and foremost for me is to accept the feelings of being attached to someone or something and then I pen down the reasons of why I’m being so pulled into being attached?

Our mind starts declutterring or unplugging the moment we bring thoughts clearly written on a piece of paper. It seems as if all our thoughts have taken physical shape and now we stand in a better position to counter them one by one.

Therefore it seems attainable to me when I see it on paper. I evaluate each reason and also write down all anxious thoughts of loosing ‘that someone’ or ‘something’. It’s like the Mathematical theory of Probability where I give myself a fair chance to think and write all weird possibilities.

Step 2: Awareness and Action

The next step for me is to be Aware of such feelings and create space for Action.

Loss or desire can paralyze us, so that we find ourselves without the will to act or else acting in meaningless, ineffective ways. In the early stages of loss, or in the grip of strong desire, it is sometimes better just to do the minimum for basic survival. This happens to most of us when the attachment is too deep and letting go makes us feel numb or incapable of doing the right thing even though we know that letting go is for our own good.

As stated before, it’s all within- the choice we make here is quintessential to taking creative action for our betterment. It takes time but is worth it if done sincerely while being kind to ourselves.

For me, It starts with a deep conversation with self where I engage in rationalising each emotion, give myself time and space to move on, process my thoughts and most importantly PRAY about it. Detachment for me has also transformed into making it as an offering.

It’s just a personalised way of how you practice it. Sometimes I pen down all the clutter in my mind on a paper, fold it, close my eyes pray and just keep it in the Bible. It has always worked for me. When it’s all out of your control, just surrender and forget about it!!

Step 3: FREEDOM

Detachment gifts us Freedom because now though we are in a particular situation or related to a thing or connected with someone yet we could easily and peacefully detach to be with our own self.

It is to reach a stage when thinking about our loss (or the thing we desire) doesn’t interfere with our normal feelings of well-being. Desire, fear, and hopelessness are deeply embedded in our psyches, and we feel their pull whenever any remnant of attachment exists. Letting them go peacefully is true liberation.

I have never been attached to things or materials. I’ve travelled some ground to say firmly that I’m out of the material realm that the world tries to trap you in.

Attachment for me is always with people and I’ve been one of those who happily would make them the centre of my life and generously offer them the pedestal. This trait has been disastrous because I’ve only ended up ruining my mental peace in the whole process. I’ve been that Monkey many times who just wishes to remain trapped. So, I first decided to let go of the Monkey and then free myself with time to release all such emotions of attachment.

In the process I have never hesitated in seeking help, understanding life through the lens of spiritual guides and even take good counsel from people who’ve journeyed this uphill terrain of Detachment. Again in all of these I knew that it begins with a conscious decision I take for my own good.

Either we Let Go or Be Dragged – choice is ours

Plugging on to something and then unplugging- all depends on one’s inner thoughts and ways that one finds suitable to liberate from any self sabotaging feelings.

It’s okay to feel attached but it’s not okay to remain attached.

@celina